The modern man in Kenya
By Odimegwu
Onwumere
The essential question
of the role of a man in modern Kenyan society continues to generate more questions
than is readily answerable. Surely but gradually, the archetypal masculinity of
man is being windswept into the ocean of gender equality.
The space that once
enabled him to exercise his roles and responsibilities without losing his
identity is being circumscribed.
When the news made
it known that across Kenya, men were being progressively battered by their
wives, quite a lot of people couldn’t believe it. Many thought it was fictional
— rather than factual. Many Kenyans raced to newsstands to have firsthand copy
of the newspapers it was reported.
An interest
group recounted that Kenyan women have suddenly become deviant towards their
men, ever since the government schemes which were carefully harnessed to draw
attention to women’s rank in the society. According to this source, Kenyan
women have become, rather more independent; in a very thrifty way.
Just last
year, about five hundred thousand Kenyan men suffered tremendous domestic
violence in the hands of their women. A survey of Central and Nairobi provinces
by a group gave this indication.
How to nip
this escalating phenomenon in the bud led a Kenyan men’s group weeks ago
calling for men to stay away from food cooked at home by their wives within a
period of six-days. The boycott was aimed at bringing to light the magnitude at
which women are subjecting men to domestic violence and abuse in Kenya.
Like in most
African countries, women are emotionally touched when men do not eat their
food. This notion is not exempted in Kenya. Traditionally, women do the cooking
and their men were supposed to eat to appreciate their wives.
What annoys
the men deficiently is that Kenya’s government does not take domestic hostility
against men critically. There was a suspicion that the government may be
instigating the women to be battering their men.
The food
boycott for six-days was for the men to eat together and brainstorm on the
possible ways to liberate themselves from the iniquitous grip of their women.
The biting-wit is not only that the men are battered physically, but even more
horrendous, they are also emotionally spent. This in particular — was the
reason for the men’s nationwide boycott of their women’s food; as lobbied through
the men’s insurgence group – Maendeleo Ya Wanaume – and initiated by its leader,
Ndiritu Njoka.
‘Development
for Men’ is what Maendeleo Ya Wanaume means. Seeing how the society makes fun
of men who are battered by their women and also take them as scrawny was the
compelling factor that led to the setting-up of Maendeleo Ya Wanaume to give
confidence to Kenyan men to speak out.
As the news of
the food boycott filtered into the air, many Kenyans had their brain held
captive, hoping to get some responses. Many see the outcry of the men as a
“case of hegemonic masculinity in crisis”. To define the subject, some of them
cited a text by a Michael Kimmel (1994) thus: 'Masculinity as homophobia'. It
was noted that Kimmel, man, did quite a high-quality job in cross-examining
masculinity; its failures, insecurities and pressures.
Many Kenyans
outside the country, precisely in the United Kingdom, spoke on the matter.
Majority of them, women, said that sex/gender role within the domestic
environment has completely changed since most men lost their jobs in the UK,
following the economic recession that recently hit the world.
They made known
their point, saying that jobs like nursing, teaching, social work and care,
which are regarded as feminine, were not as affected by the economic
indentation as majority of men’s centered jobs in big companies were affected.
While the
women were out for work to earn money, men resorted to working fulltime in the
kitchen and to take charge of the kid(s). And the development was being widely
acknowledged.
Like a
seething volcano, the development in Kenya irks many. They say that the men are
retrogressing to their ancient tradition which in its entirety recognizes total
masculinity, whereas the women are moving from the domestic environment
supposedly assigned to them by nature to grasp increased opportunities in
the academia, political and social consciousness fashioned for them by the
government.
Quite
logically, there is far more than meets the eyes concerning this situation. The
insinuation that Kenyan women are battering their men is also obviously not a con.
Evidently, it has been revealed that Kenyan men are finding it very difficult
to walk with modernity alongside tradition, but they will gladly accept sharing
costs with women within condiments. However, they also believe that sharing
household tasks is debasing to their integrity. One statement reads: It doesn’t
make sense for men to cling on to the traditional gender roles while reaping
the fruits of modern academic and civilized assignments which inevitably must
reverse or at least interfere with the traditions.
What many
Kenyan women want is a situation where there is deconstruction of what has been
the hegemonic masculinity. They want their men to be ready to help with the
kitchen, do homework with the kids, change diapers and get food supplies. They
see relationships as a partnership and are ready to ever renegade their men
perceived are still trapped in the old ways of thinking.
Kenyan women
do not want their men to continue to be wedged in their tradition, which sees
nurturing children, cooking, sweeping the house, fetching water, making a cup
of tea for guests etc., as roles that are strictly left for women. However,
majority of the men hold that all the fuming by their women is nothing but an eerie
attempt to subject men to an archetypal violence in Kenya.
The women are
however happy that “the brunt of Gender Based Violence” is now directed against
the men. “Flawed masculinities,” they described it as, “for any meaningful
engagements and enhancement on the promotion of women's rights in Kenya.” The
men’s interest group on the contrary has created more perceptible issues of men
and the boy child in Kenya. Mostly, it has created public seats for people to
exchange views.
Notwithstanding,
most women see any woman calling on the men to responsibilities such as
nurturing of children as mad. To them, this chore is clearly the role of women
and that any action contrary to that is synonymous to violence and abuse
against men.
There is an
agitation that Maendeleo Ya Wanaume shares its view with other interest groups
in the world. Its hypotheses are seriously questioned. The accuracy of the
group’s statistics of men battered in Kenya by women is in doubt. There is a
claim that MYM, short form for Maendeleo Ya Wanaume, said in one media story
that 60 per cent of women admit to battering men, which means that out of any
three Kenyan women two are batterers, a point that is refuted by many women. On
the contrary, many Kenyan women don’t wish to discharge that there are some
abused men worldwide, let alone Kenya. Their problem is on the statistics,
which they say don't seem right.
On Citizen TV,
Sunday 31st May, 2009,
an unplanned Swahili programme took place and many Kenyans interested in the
discourse were not notified in time to be prepared with research for
clarifications on some of the issues emerging from the MYM’s report. Mr. Njoka,
the Maendeleo ya Wanaume chairperson, was a co-panelist. The issue of
construction of masculinities, ordering and labeling were discussed. Njoka was
requested that he shares the report and clarify what research methodology was
applied. Kenyans believe that the way this report was presented leaves more
questions than answers. They see it as “being more of ridicule than
seriousness”.
The modern man
in Kenya is being caught in-between having to furnish for his traditional roles
where the modern women see him as no longer the sole “protector and provider”.
The women believe that in the current society both the women and men are
providing and protecting. Conversely, in many quarters they say that with this
mentality, things are not going down well in Kenya; it is leading to hurt egos
and exhume low esteem.
Many women
deny that women's empowerment are to blame for the violence against men in
Kenya. And the fact that Kenyan women have been declared as husband batterers,
it is for the men to shape up, for mutual co-existence. Although, they accept
the fact that when anyone talks about violence or abuse, the person should not
eschew the fact that women were created double-barreled-mouth. And some uncouth
ones use it in excess to violet their men immensely.
They thus far
define ‘Violence’ as not only physical, emotional beating has turned and ruined
some men in their homes.
Some biased
Kenyan women no longer believe that there are different body chemistries that
constitute both a man and a woman. They see man and woman as one and should be
equal. This brings the issue of ‘violence’ to a serious burner.
As creatures,
no doubt men are volatile in nature, by muscle. While women, are
double-barrel-mouth. Many Kenyan women agree this. All of these they say are
‘violence’, no matter how anybody may look at it or see it. So, it baffles them
when women are shouting “violence against women”, whereas not telling the world
that women should also stop their own natural “mouth-violence” against men.
Moreover, they
agree that no sensible man would see a woman on the road and start to violate
her, and vis-à-vis. They believe that there are men and women who, out of
maturity and self-nurturing, have been able to curtail “muscle and mouth
violence” against each other.
The
conservatives among the Kenyan women are of the view that it is shameful for
any woman to disobey the men no matter how highly placed the woman is. They say
that women should succumb to the ‘positive’ men’s will at any given time.
Their belief
is that “the men are always right”. This is the way nature made them.
Therefore, the women admonish the liberal amongst them in Kenya to study the
men, especially their husbands, to know when they wake up, the time they go to
the office, the time they come back in the evening and the kind of food they
would want to eat, and make sure that everything is prepared for them, even
when the women are also working. And until the women understand the nature of
men through respect, which will in turn create love from the men, there may not
be near-end to violence among them.
The
conservative Kenyan women believe that a woman is supposed to be full of
prayers, and not full of problems with the men; that for a woman, monitoring
the many-whereabouts of a man is just a hectic waste of time. They hinged their point, saying that
most men have no time to even pray. If a woman is staring down on a man and
expecting that he must do the house chores instead of pleading with the man to
help her, she is wasting her time. This is what a woman should do; not nag or
batter or abuse the man.
They also
pinpointed that even in the countries where laws were created in favour of
women to cut the violence excesses of men against women, some men still prefer
to die rather than see themselves being humiliated by women, or better put, go
to jail, because of their wives.
Women only
feel dehumanized and shout “violence against women” when they get trapped in
the debasing images of men they have wronged. Women must show the world that
they also abhour mouth-lashing their men.
Women’s
clamouring for women’s right without attaching decorum to it is their
treacherous way of achieving racial justice, which they understand is both
impractical and immoral.
In Kenya, the
modern men no longer teach women in the home that might make right, but women
are the ones teaching the men. They hope that they could solve conflicts with
their borrowed might.
In the very
end, bad-mouth is the worst form of violence against men.
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