Why do men cheat on their wives?
By Abdulkadir Y. Abdullahi
A lot of questions have continued to be asked as regards reasons why many men cheat on their wives by keeping illegal sexual relationship outside their matrimonial homes. Many a Nigerian couple today have found themselves in this situation which has done a great deal of damage to a united front for a stable and successful family setting.
While trust and faithfulness remain the veritable pedestal upon which good relationships are built, the lack of it usually leaves partners involved in a state of depression, sorrow and despondency. Many Nigerian women are disturbed about this act and are in need of practical solutions to the multi-faceted problems associated with infidelity.
It is approximated that 60% of men cheat on their wives by way of seeking sexual satisfaction outside their marriage with about 70% of their wives not knowing anything about it. Channel 4.com quoted David Buss, a professor of psychology as saying: "Men crave sexual "variety," they've evolved the desire to be with different women. That's because it's very simple for men to reproduce (one act of sex versus nine months of pregnancy for women), so to create as many offspring as possible they're biologically programmed to mate with many women."
According to the professor, the 'payoff' in reproductive currencies (kids) of a short-term mating strategy generally has been higher for men than women. So after thousands of generations, "this has forged in the male brain a desire for sexual variety."
Experts, however contend that other top reasons men cheat could be because of lack of happiness with their mates - and the fact that extramarital sex is cheaper and easier to get by them. Some men who cheat say they don't feel understood by their mate. But it's not always the woman. Mostly they're either angry or afraid to connect. It is also noted that men cheat because of fear, loneliness or anger. They further state that the betraying partner's failure to deal with these feelings is what causes men to be unfaithful.
Elijah Dennis, a resident of FCT, attributed cheating on women by men to unfaithfulness, carelessness and influence of peer groups. He says: "Some men cheat on their wives out of unfaithfulness. They seek sexual desires outside marriage for lack of commitment to their wives. Some may also be influenced through keeping uncouth friends who may lure them into it. Although it is bad to cheat on your partner, some women sometimes provide platform for it when they deny their husbands sex.
In many instances, the odds seem to be heavily against men as regards cheating while the women carry the least portion of the blame game. Buhari Mohammed, a student of the Federal University of Technology (FUT), Minna, Niger State, said men cheat on women due to the fact that they (women) lack the best strategies to take care of their men in such manners that will let them shun extra-marital relationships.
He said: "Aside from that, some men are naturally not contented with their wives. This may also be in addition to the fact that men sometimes grow tired of their old wives and may want to go for a 'fresh blood'.
"One of the best ways to curb the problem is to avoid talks and everything that exposes or tempts you to cheat on your woman."
Comfort Bulus, however said regardless of what people say about cheating, many men would continue to do their thing as it pleases them because of lack of good strategies usually employed by women to address the situation. She advised that when a woman is faced with a cheating husband, it is better for her to 'pick and dust herself off,' and then do as many things as she could to make herself look and feel better.
She said: "If your husband is the type that does not return home at all, it is good for a wife to be on the lookout for him. She should not keep mute over it. In fact it is even better to table the issue before his family members to help deal with the situation."
Another woman criticized those women who allow their husbands to stay in far places without following them there all in the name of work. According to her, what cheating husband should know is that women do not naturally subscribe to the idea of sharing their men with any other person and this is the reason they feel betrayed when they find out they are being cheated on. "Men should recognize the fact that marriage can only be saved if both parties want that to happen. Cheating in a marriage (whether it is being perpetrated by man or woman) has negative effects at home," she added.
To paint a gory picture of how men cheat on their women, an online analyst says that in some societies, about 40% of men usually go a long way to place adverts looking for other women because their wife is cold, not passionate or such other, adding that others cheat on their wife whenever things turn sour for them. This is why it is paramount for a wife to be supportive of her man whether in abundance or need.
A woman must see her husband's needs as he too should be caring for her. There must be trust which requires frank and plain discussions on what he needs from you. And as soon as you understand yourselves, his level of promiscuity has got a chance to reduce or even vanish.
Although it is said that some men get frustrated when their partners are pregnant, it does not justify any action which makes them cheat on their spouses by having sex outside their matrimonial homes. It is also observed that the relationship of men who cheat with their family always changes as they will become distant, cold and always finding faults where there are none.
For women who will always want their husbands to be faithful to them without keeping illegal sexual affairs outside marriage, they should employ communication; discuss your problems because the lack of it may send him looking for someone else that he can talk to, and who will listen to what he has to say. Let him also spend some time with his friends, provide his sexual needs as at when due because studies have shown that withholding sex or using it against him in some form or another will only make him resent you more.
It is also contended that women should always appreciate the small things that men do for them. Psychologists say cheating men are usually looking elsewhere for something they are not getting at home but the more the efforts women put in place to fight the menace, the more they will have a long and happy relationship.
It is approximated that 60% of men cheat on their wives by way of seeking sexual satisfaction outside their marriage with about 70% of their wives not knowing anything about it. Channel 4.com quoted David Buss, a professor of psychology as saying: "Men crave sexual "variety," they've evolved the desire to be with different women. That's because it's very simple for men to reproduce (one act of sex versus nine months of pregnancy for women), so to create as many offspring as possible they're biologically programmed to mate with many women."
According to the professor, the 'payoff' in reproductive currencies (kids) of a short-term mating strategy generally has been higher for men than women. So after thousands of generations, "this has forged in the male brain a desire for sexual variety."
Experts, however contend that other top reasons men cheat could be because of lack of happiness with their mates - and the fact that extramarital sex is cheaper and easier to get by them. Some men who cheat say they don't feel understood by their mate. But it's not always the woman. Mostly they're either angry or afraid to connect. It is also noted that men cheat because of fear, loneliness or anger. They further state that the betraying partner's failure to deal with these feelings is what causes men to be unfaithful.
Elijah Dennis, a resident of FCT, attributed cheating on women by men to unfaithfulness, carelessness and influence of peer groups. He says: "Some men cheat on their wives out of unfaithfulness. They seek sexual desires outside marriage for lack of commitment to their wives. Some may also be influenced through keeping uncouth friends who may lure them into it. Although it is bad to cheat on your partner, some women sometimes provide platform for it when they deny their husbands sex.
In many instances, the odds seem to be heavily against men as regards cheating while the women carry the least portion of the blame game. Buhari Mohammed, a student of the Federal University of Technology (FUT), Minna, Niger State, said men cheat on women due to the fact that they (women) lack the best strategies to take care of their men in such manners that will let them shun extra-marital relationships.
He said: "Aside from that, some men are naturally not contented with their wives. This may also be in addition to the fact that men sometimes grow tired of their old wives and may want to go for a 'fresh blood'.
"One of the best ways to curb the problem is to avoid talks and everything that exposes or tempts you to cheat on your woman."
Comfort Bulus, however said regardless of what people say about cheating, many men would continue to do their thing as it pleases them because of lack of good strategies usually employed by women to address the situation. She advised that when a woman is faced with a cheating husband, it is better for her to 'pick and dust herself off,' and then do as many things as she could to make herself look and feel better.
She said: "If your husband is the type that does not return home at all, it is good for a wife to be on the lookout for him. She should not keep mute over it. In fact it is even better to table the issue before his family members to help deal with the situation."
Another woman criticized those women who allow their husbands to stay in far places without following them there all in the name of work. According to her, what cheating husband should know is that women do not naturally subscribe to the idea of sharing their men with any other person and this is the reason they feel betrayed when they find out they are being cheated on. "Men should recognize the fact that marriage can only be saved if both parties want that to happen. Cheating in a marriage (whether it is being perpetrated by man or woman) has negative effects at home," she added.
To paint a gory picture of how men cheat on their women, an online analyst says that in some societies, about 40% of men usually go a long way to place adverts looking for other women because their wife is cold, not passionate or such other, adding that others cheat on their wife whenever things turn sour for them. This is why it is paramount for a wife to be supportive of her man whether in abundance or need.
A woman must see her husband's needs as he too should be caring for her. There must be trust which requires frank and plain discussions on what he needs from you. And as soon as you understand yourselves, his level of promiscuity has got a chance to reduce or even vanish.
Although it is said that some men get frustrated when their partners are pregnant, it does not justify any action which makes them cheat on their spouses by having sex outside their matrimonial homes. It is also observed that the relationship of men who cheat with their family always changes as they will become distant, cold and always finding faults where there are none.
For women who will always want their husbands to be faithful to them without keeping illegal sexual affairs outside marriage, they should employ communication; discuss your problems because the lack of it may send him looking for someone else that he can talk to, and who will listen to what he has to say. Let him also spend some time with his friends, provide his sexual needs as at when due because studies have shown that withholding sex or using it against him in some form or another will only make him resent you more.
It is also contended that women should always appreciate the small things that men do for them. Psychologists say cheating men are usually looking elsewhere for something they are not getting at home but the more the efforts women put in place to fight the menace, the more they will have a long and happy relationship.
DAILY TRUST
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