By Amara
 |
| Ms Amara |
Men,
you often don’t mean to nag, but you may be making mistakes that risk ruining
your marriage. In fact, if you are a typical man, you are likely making several
mistakes and quite often. Don’t believe me? Ask your wife.
Now, before you get all defensive, this isn’t about blame. These are not
ridiculous relationship mistakes; they are the subtle things that you might not
even know you’re doing. And changing these habits could make a big difference
to your wife and that can only be good for you.
Recognising these mistakes and making efforts to correct them will not only
help your marriage, it may also help your health and that of your spouse.
Over time, negative feelings in a relationships that are not addressed can lead
to physical and psychological problems, says Silver Spring.
Now I want to show you some of those things you are doing wrong and which are
hurting your wife without you knowing it. As usual, I expect some attacks from
the men, but that won’t matter; I am enjoying every bit of it and I love you
guys.
Being Sexually Selfish or Clueless
In the bedroom, according to Maslow, men forget or, worse, haven’t figured out
that their wives often need more than they do to get turned on.
“Affection, making her feel loved and needed is basic for her to feel aroused,”
Maslow says, while Vanderhorst says turning a woman on begins well before the
lights go down.
“Men perceive sex as a sufficient means of being close, of having a
connection”, she says. But women want a connection prior to having sex.
To a typical man, sex is about going in there and coming out before the woman
even starts to enjoy it. Like Vanderhorst says, turning a woman on begins
before the lights go down. If you must get your wife to desire sex with you,
you must be ready to get her to be happy and excited having you around even
before sunset.
A good number of men complain about their wives losing appetite for sex once
they have children. It is not always the case of a woman losing appetite for
sex or having a low libido; it is about you and the man you are. How do you
expect a normal human being to get aroused after your shouting and nagging? For
a good sex life with your wife, you must be willing to create a good atmosphere
for sex. I know she can be crazy and often gets on your nerves, but God has
given you the ability to treat her as the weaker vessel.
Please create time to ignore your own sexual satisfaction and give up yourself
for her pleasure. Explore her body to find out what her erogenous zones are and
how best she wants you to handle them. It is an adventure worth taking for the
woman you love.
Losing her friendship
Everyone desires to be with the loved one. The mistake often made by men is
their belief that a woman doesn’t really need a man the moment she starts
having babies. Men oftentimes ignore their wives believing the company of the
children is enough for her. Sir, her marriage is to you and not the children.
A good number of African men end the friendship they have with their wife as
soon as their babies come. What you don’t know is that the woman needs you more
at that stage of her life. Don’t go the way of other men who dump their wives
at home and find pleasure in the company of friends and other women. If you
choose to go that way, chances are she won’t be there by the time you start
seeking her company and friendship because she must have created friends and
other companies to take your place.
From my counselling sessions, I have come to realise that men oftentimes
misbehave at the early stage of their marriage only for them to start looking
for her friendship at the later part of their lives. This is when you see men
complaining of their wives not having their time, but the truth is that she is
doing what she is familiar with—living her life without you.
Worshipping the mother
I am one person who does not joke with elderly people. I believe our parents
must be properly taken care of, but also believe a woman should be given the
respect due to her in her husband’s house.
A good number of men don’t have regard for their wives. Recently, during my
trip to Port Harcourt,
a man came to me with a complaint about his sister who is in a marriage where
the man gives money to his mother to cook not just for her husband, but he, the
son. This is about leading to the end of her marriage as the girl’s family is
bent on taking her out of that home. Guys, this is very wrong and no woman will
be happy to be treated this way. Even your mother, who is happily involved in
this, will kick against it if her daughter is treated this way.
The moment you get married to your wife, your mother ceases to have that very
place in your heart. Give her all that she wants and make her feel loved, but
let her understand that her loving your wife means her loving you. Often times
we complain about bad daughters in-law. I have found out that the women in most
cases are not really mean, but were pushed to a point that they change
negatively.
I am not saying there are no terrible women; there are, but men should stop
turning the good women to what they are not. What do you expect when you give
money for foodstuffs to your mother instead of your wife? What do you expect
her to do when you keep running to your mother to ask for advice before you buy
her clothes? The natural way of reacting to your style is for the woman to automatically
hate your mother.
Stop hiding things about your family from her because that tells her she is
just a stranger in your midst. When you are talking to your mother and the
moment your wife comes out you change the topic of discussion, don’t think she
doesn’t have an idea of what you are doing; she knows and will do everything to
protect her own territory too. Let everyone around you know you are one with
your wife.
Conflict Resolution
How do you handle issues in your home? Are you one of those men who get their
friends and family involved in every argument? Are you the type that runs out
to meet other women who sweet tongue you the moment you fall out with your
wife? Are you that man who brings his sisters to come and beat up his wife
after a fight? If you fall into any of these groups, I am sorry, but I have to
let you know you are yet to become a man.
There is no problem too difficult to a real man. You may not agree with me, but
the truth is that no woman is uncontrollable. The only thing that makes her
look uncontrollable is the inability of her man to identify the key to her head
and heart. No matter her level of madness, there is a man out there who has the
key to her sanity and this is why I tell women to always be careful in their
choice of a man.
Instead of you raising your hand on a woman or like some men do, carry your
chair to exchange words with a woman, bring out the man in you. Words are
powerful and can conquer strong nations and kings. Words, sweet words, spoken
at the right time when she is calm, can melt that very strong and tough heart.
Market List
It is surprising to know there are still men in this age and time who ask their
wives for market list. Some even go the extent of asking their wife to submit
her market list to the secretary for screening and approval. If you are such a
man, you are a disgrace to nature. Some men won’t even give the woman money to
go to the market, they do the shopping themselves all in the name of love.
Others follow her to the market all in the name of love, but the truth is that
they are monitoring her spending. If she is your wife, stop monitoring her.
I advise women not to make themselves too cheap by lying when it comes to
market list, but I also don’t blame them much because when a man keeps her as a
full-time housewife and at the same time does not provide for her, the only
option left is for her to start looking for ways to get some money for her
upkeep. If I may ask, who should spend your money if not your wife?
Before you do anything to your wife, please pause and ask yourself this
question, how will I feel if a man does this to my daughter or sister? If your
answer is in the negative, please don’t do it to her
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