By Chucks Eze
She is amiable, humble and
simple to the core. A quintessential mother of six, who has successfully scaled
the hurdles naturally placed before female intellectuals and reached the top of
her discipline and thereby set a national record as the first female (and still
the only one) professor of Mass Communication in Nigeria.
It her humble credit and indeed honour that a large number of the most senior
journalists in Nigeria’s media industry today passed through her tutelage one
way or the other. Prior to current assignment as the Anambra State Commissioner
for Economic Planning and Budget, she had served as the Commissioner for
information.
Please meet Professor Chinyere Stella Okunna, erudite scholar from Uga, Anambra State who is married to a consultant
gyneacologist and obstetrician, Dr Eric Okunna. In this interview, she speaks
on her marriage, career, and the impact of her father’s early demise on her
life among issues. Excerpts…
You are the first and only
professor of Mass Communication in Nigeria, an Honourable
Commissioner, a wife, a mother and to a large extent, a trainer of trainers in
the journalism profession, yet you are still that simple, cheerful Chinyere.
Why?
Well, I’ve been a modest person all my life and I’ve always believed in doing things quietly without being too loud. And this attitude to life has been reinforced by working with a governor who himself is simplicity personified. And even if you didn’t have that kind of lifestyle, working with him so closely, that kind of life style rubs off on you and you tend to emulate him in all you do. But luckily for me, I didn’t have to change my lifestyle. But as for being a mother, well, luckily for me, my children were grown up before I came into this job. So, it was easy for me to cope with all the different roles I had to play.
How close were you with your parents?
Oh, very close, my dad especially. We were quite close because somehow he believed that before I was born, a very old relation of his had appeared to him to inform him that he would be reincarnated in me. So, when I came, I was that kind of close born. And apart from that, my dad and I got on very well.
Are both of your parents still alive?
No, my dad died several years ago. He was the first black district officer in the entire old Aguata div But my mum is still alive. She is in her 80s now.
Would you say that your life was shaped by that kind of upbringing?
Yes, yes, all of it. My dad was a simple person also even though he had got to the climax of his own career. He was neither ostentatious nor loud. He was just a simple person – modest, in spite of his achievements. And that kind of thing shaped our own upbringing and our lifestyle.
Were they both educated?
No, not really. My mum didn’t even finish primary school but my dad, about the same thing. Apart from professional training, he was not highly educated but he had left the job and rose to the height of his own career. But they loved education.
How old is your marriage?
Ah! It’s e m… more than thirty years. Let me not give a wrong figure now. But am sure it’s over thirty years. I married straight from my National Youth Service (NYSC) and I’ve been at it all these years.
In what year did you wed?
We wedded in November 1976.
How many children do you have?
(Laughs…) Do I have to answer all that?
Yes, please.
Well, they are six – two boys and four girls, including twin girls.
Are they all married?
Three girls are married but the boys are not yet married. But my son is approaching marriage and I’m hoping he’ll settle down soon.
Do you teach them the secrets of your successful marriage to guide them in achieving successes in theirs?
Honestly, I think that much of marriage depends on emulation. That’s why I believe in stability in marriage. When children are brought up in a home where both parents are giving their best to their marital life, the children, whether you know it or not, are watching you, and unconsciously modeling their own lives along their parents’ own. If it’s a cat and mouse thing, they will see nothing wrong in fighting in their own marriage.
If you are happy as parents, your children are likely to emulate you, apart from the very rare cases. So, I didn’t have to do much teaching. At the risk of not being modest, I’ll like to say that I’ve had a good marriage and am hoping that my children will do likewise. And from the way they are going now; I foresee that they will be happy in their own marriages.
Did your children see you as a disciplinarian?
Well, you have to be firm while loving your children otherwise they’ll go astray. I’m not boasting but I think my children have turned out well, comparatively in this present world where there are so many vices. I think they have really grown up well and they have made us proud – got good education for themselves and are now settling down nicely. We disciplined them with love and it matters. So, I would not say we let them grow wild but we were not tyrannical; it was a blend of discipline, love and gentleness in upbringing and I think it worked for us.
How did you meet your husband?
Ah, it was when I was in the national youth service (NYSC).
Where did you do your NYSC?
In Kwara State. That was when I noticed him although, he said he had met me somewhere in Enugu, but I didn’t notice him then.
Where is he from?
He is from Ukpo in Dunukofia local government area while I am from Uga in Aguata LGA, by birth.
Do you still remember how you said yes to him?
(Laughs)…Well, incidentally, a man from his town had been engaged to my mum. He was a teacher in my town and they were really engaged but my mum later broke up the engagement. So, when he told me his town, I said ah, you are from that town! My mother almost married a man from that town. And he said eeh ..well we lost the mother but now we’ll get the daughter. I said, “What does that mean?”, And he said, “I want to marry you!”(Laughs pleasantly…) It was so unconventional. We laughed and that was it. I’m not one of those ladies who pretend when they see those they want to accept. Even though I didn’t jump at it but he knew I was going to accept because I made an encouraging comment by asking him, “Is that the way you propose in your town?” That was just it.
How did it feel when you had your first baby?
I had my daughter firsts. Delivery is something I can’t describe well because the joy we had was unquantifiable. You know motherhood is one of the blessings of God; as a young girl, you settle down and God blesses you. So, when I took that baby in my arms, the joy simply overflowed, and we named her Nkiruka. The name implies that the joy of tomorrow will be greater than what we have today. My husband was very close; so as soon as the baby arrived, he jumped into the maternity with his camera, shooting away, blood and everything… (Laughs...). It was really a very empowering experience for us. You know, as a young couple, to be blessed with a baby within one year of marriage…it was a lot of joy and the same joy pervaded the family when the baby grew, became an adolescent and was a very promising child. We watched her grow and even when others came, she was still up there, specially. Today, she is a medical doctor like her dad and married to a medical doctor and they already have two kids. It’s really giving us joy.
Is your husband romantic?
Yes, I was, also. (Laughs) But we are getting old now. As far as romance went…you know, I don’t know what you young ones think about romance now, but by our own standards in those days, he was very romantic. He was a lot of fun to be with. He was quite good.
Your first kiss with him, do you still remember how you felt then?
Hmm, so many years ago, I do not exactly remember. But I know we were in love. So you can imagine what people in love did. Not the kind of wild things people do now but there were acceptable ways of expressing love. There were good ways of expressing love and we were deeply, deeply in love. So, the kiss would have been blissful by all standards.
Do you still find time to cook for him, considering your busy schedules as an honorable commissioner?
Well, honestly, not much because I live in Awka while he lives in Enugu. Our family home has always been in Enugu. Apart from the occasional weekends or he comes in to Awka, he visits more often because he has more time. He is a medical doctor in private practice; that means he owns his own hospital, time and also controls his own time. But with my position now, in all honesty, I do not have much time to do much cooking for anybody, not even for myself. But any time I’m home, it’s a pleasure doing that.
Does he take you out?
Oh, yes, he does. We do not see very often though, but anytime I have time to go to Enugu or he visits, it is a celebration for us because we have so little time to stay together nowadays.
When was your last Valentine’s Day experience with him?
This year, and incidentally, his birthday is February. Therefore, February is so special for us and that’s the Valentine’s month. So we always remember it.
What are the things you do to cope whenever you are missing him?
Just thinking about him. Moreover, nowadays, with the GSM phones, you hardly miss anybody. If you miss him, you call him and hear his voice. I think that should be enough. We are not young anymore so we are not wildly missing each other as such… (Laughs)… So, phone call will do it until you see.
Have you ever taken him out and paid the bills?
Hmmm, well, it depends. Yes. Now that I’m in government, once in a while, I say ok, let me take you out. But often, he pays and times, I chip in a little something, you know. That’s it.
Does he still buy you surprise gifts like he did when you were a young couple?
Well, yes at birthdays. And my birthday coincides with our wedding anniversary. We wedded on my birthday. So, we exchange gifts because, it’s such a special day for us. And as expected, I also receive gifts from my children and the entire family.
What date was it?
November 6th.
What’s the best way to make a marriage exciting and worthwhile?
Well, the first thing is for you to marry a man you are in love with. And when you are in love, everyday is exciting for you. Excitement is part of love. But then, like I keep saying, you should not take each other for granted. Even though at my age, no matter how old you are, you should try and make your marriage fresh everyday. And that means going out together, doing things together.
Even if you can’t go out together, you can watch films together and comment on things. And even if the outing is not where you eat, outing reinforces marriage. For instance, my husband plays golf if he has the time and I am always there watching to cheer him on. Am sure there are more exciting things to do for young people but for us, the thing is not to take each other for granted. The thing is not to think that I’m too old for anything. A couple, in marriage, is never too old for anything. You should experiment with new things - new outings and new experiences – every single thing is a discovery.
Do you see yourself as a fulfilled person… (Cuts in)?
Absolutely. God has blessed me a lot. Like I told you, I’ve been married for over thirty years now and god has blessed my husband and I with good health and He has kept us together. In spite of odds, we have not really had any challenges, I mean any major challenge in our marriage. And we are blessed with children and grandchildren. My children have acquired good education and they are settling down. God has also blessed me in my career. I am an academic and like you noted before, I’m the first professor in Mass Communication in Nigeria who is a woman which is a major achievement. And that means the world is looking up to you.
Up till now, there hasn’t been a second person in Nigeria now, though others are coming on and I’m hoping there’ll soon be a second. Now, I’m in governance, working with a governor who is world class, performing well and encouraging us to give our best. And I’m working in a state that is up there and my job is to give my best in supporting my governor to ensure that our state goes on being the light of this nation.I think I’m a fulfilled woman. I’m just happy.
How do you react to the rising cases of divorce in … (cuts in)?
It is unbelievable. And that’s why you should appreciate more and more when your own marriage goes well or when the marriage of those close to you goes well. It is really unfortunate because marriage is a thing of joy – something that should bring together a man and a woman so they can live together and bring up their children.
You know, the horror of broken marriages is with the children. And that is why many children are going astray today because they haven’t had the joy of being brought up by people who are disciplined themselves. It takes a lot of courage and discipline to make marriage work. It seems that young people are not trying hard enough to sustain their marriages. So, if they put their minds to it, am sure they will make their marriages work better.
Well, I’ve been a modest person all my life and I’ve always believed in doing things quietly without being too loud. And this attitude to life has been reinforced by working with a governor who himself is simplicity personified. And even if you didn’t have that kind of lifestyle, working with him so closely, that kind of life style rubs off on you and you tend to emulate him in all you do. But luckily for me, I didn’t have to change my lifestyle. But as for being a mother, well, luckily for me, my children were grown up before I came into this job. So, it was easy for me to cope with all the different roles I had to play.
How close were you with your parents?
Oh, very close, my dad especially. We were quite close because somehow he believed that before I was born, a very old relation of his had appeared to him to inform him that he would be reincarnated in me. So, when I came, I was that kind of close born. And apart from that, my dad and I got on very well.
Are both of your parents still alive?
No, my dad died several years ago. He was the first black district officer in the entire old Aguata div But my mum is still alive. She is in her 80s now.
Would you say that your life was shaped by that kind of upbringing?
Yes, yes, all of it. My dad was a simple person also even though he had got to the climax of his own career. He was neither ostentatious nor loud. He was just a simple person – modest, in spite of his achievements. And that kind of thing shaped our own upbringing and our lifestyle.
Were they both educated?
No, not really. My mum didn’t even finish primary school but my dad, about the same thing. Apart from professional training, he was not highly educated but he had left the job and rose to the height of his own career. But they loved education.
How old is your marriage?
Ah! It’s e m… more than thirty years. Let me not give a wrong figure now. But am sure it’s over thirty years. I married straight from my National Youth Service (NYSC) and I’ve been at it all these years.
In what year did you wed?
We wedded in November 1976.
How many children do you have?
(Laughs…) Do I have to answer all that?
Yes, please.
Well, they are six – two boys and four girls, including twin girls.
Are they all married?
Three girls are married but the boys are not yet married. But my son is approaching marriage and I’m hoping he’ll settle down soon.
Do you teach them the secrets of your successful marriage to guide them in achieving successes in theirs?
Honestly, I think that much of marriage depends on emulation. That’s why I believe in stability in marriage. When children are brought up in a home where both parents are giving their best to their marital life, the children, whether you know it or not, are watching you, and unconsciously modeling their own lives along their parents’ own. If it’s a cat and mouse thing, they will see nothing wrong in fighting in their own marriage.
If you are happy as parents, your children are likely to emulate you, apart from the very rare cases. So, I didn’t have to do much teaching. At the risk of not being modest, I’ll like to say that I’ve had a good marriage and am hoping that my children will do likewise. And from the way they are going now; I foresee that they will be happy in their own marriages.
Did your children see you as a disciplinarian?
Well, you have to be firm while loving your children otherwise they’ll go astray. I’m not boasting but I think my children have turned out well, comparatively in this present world where there are so many vices. I think they have really grown up well and they have made us proud – got good education for themselves and are now settling down nicely. We disciplined them with love and it matters. So, I would not say we let them grow wild but we were not tyrannical; it was a blend of discipline, love and gentleness in upbringing and I think it worked for us.
How did you meet your husband?
Ah, it was when I was in the national youth service (NYSC).
Where did you do your NYSC?
In Kwara State. That was when I noticed him although, he said he had met me somewhere in Enugu, but I didn’t notice him then.
Where is he from?
He is from Ukpo in Dunukofia local government area while I am from Uga in Aguata LGA, by birth.
Do you still remember how you said yes to him?
(Laughs)…Well, incidentally, a man from his town had been engaged to my mum. He was a teacher in my town and they were really engaged but my mum later broke up the engagement. So, when he told me his town, I said ah, you are from that town! My mother almost married a man from that town. And he said eeh ..well we lost the mother but now we’ll get the daughter. I said, “What does that mean?”, And he said, “I want to marry you!”(Laughs pleasantly…) It was so unconventional. We laughed and that was it. I’m not one of those ladies who pretend when they see those they want to accept. Even though I didn’t jump at it but he knew I was going to accept because I made an encouraging comment by asking him, “Is that the way you propose in your town?” That was just it.
How did it feel when you had your first baby?
I had my daughter firsts. Delivery is something I can’t describe well because the joy we had was unquantifiable. You know motherhood is one of the blessings of God; as a young girl, you settle down and God blesses you. So, when I took that baby in my arms, the joy simply overflowed, and we named her Nkiruka. The name implies that the joy of tomorrow will be greater than what we have today. My husband was very close; so as soon as the baby arrived, he jumped into the maternity with his camera, shooting away, blood and everything… (Laughs...). It was really a very empowering experience for us. You know, as a young couple, to be blessed with a baby within one year of marriage…it was a lot of joy and the same joy pervaded the family when the baby grew, became an adolescent and was a very promising child. We watched her grow and even when others came, she was still up there, specially. Today, she is a medical doctor like her dad and married to a medical doctor and they already have two kids. It’s really giving us joy.
Is your husband romantic?
Yes, I was, also. (Laughs) But we are getting old now. As far as romance went…you know, I don’t know what you young ones think about romance now, but by our own standards in those days, he was very romantic. He was a lot of fun to be with. He was quite good.
Your first kiss with him, do you still remember how you felt then?
Hmm, so many years ago, I do not exactly remember. But I know we were in love. So you can imagine what people in love did. Not the kind of wild things people do now but there were acceptable ways of expressing love. There were good ways of expressing love and we were deeply, deeply in love. So, the kiss would have been blissful by all standards.
Do you still find time to cook for him, considering your busy schedules as an honorable commissioner?
Well, honestly, not much because I live in Awka while he lives in Enugu. Our family home has always been in Enugu. Apart from the occasional weekends or he comes in to Awka, he visits more often because he has more time. He is a medical doctor in private practice; that means he owns his own hospital, time and also controls his own time. But with my position now, in all honesty, I do not have much time to do much cooking for anybody, not even for myself. But any time I’m home, it’s a pleasure doing that.
Does he take you out?
Oh, yes, he does. We do not see very often though, but anytime I have time to go to Enugu or he visits, it is a celebration for us because we have so little time to stay together nowadays.
When was your last Valentine’s Day experience with him?
This year, and incidentally, his birthday is February. Therefore, February is so special for us and that’s the Valentine’s month. So we always remember it.
What are the things you do to cope whenever you are missing him?
Just thinking about him. Moreover, nowadays, with the GSM phones, you hardly miss anybody. If you miss him, you call him and hear his voice. I think that should be enough. We are not young anymore so we are not wildly missing each other as such… (Laughs)… So, phone call will do it until you see.
Have you ever taken him out and paid the bills?
Hmmm, well, it depends. Yes. Now that I’m in government, once in a while, I say ok, let me take you out. But often, he pays and times, I chip in a little something, you know. That’s it.
Does he still buy you surprise gifts like he did when you were a young couple?
Well, yes at birthdays. And my birthday coincides with our wedding anniversary. We wedded on my birthday. So, we exchange gifts because, it’s such a special day for us. And as expected, I also receive gifts from my children and the entire family.
What date was it?
November 6th.
What’s the best way to make a marriage exciting and worthwhile?
Well, the first thing is for you to marry a man you are in love with. And when you are in love, everyday is exciting for you. Excitement is part of love. But then, like I keep saying, you should not take each other for granted. Even though at my age, no matter how old you are, you should try and make your marriage fresh everyday. And that means going out together, doing things together.
Even if you can’t go out together, you can watch films together and comment on things. And even if the outing is not where you eat, outing reinforces marriage. For instance, my husband plays golf if he has the time and I am always there watching to cheer him on. Am sure there are more exciting things to do for young people but for us, the thing is not to take each other for granted. The thing is not to think that I’m too old for anything. A couple, in marriage, is never too old for anything. You should experiment with new things - new outings and new experiences – every single thing is a discovery.
Do you see yourself as a fulfilled person… (Cuts in)?
Absolutely. God has blessed me a lot. Like I told you, I’ve been married for over thirty years now and god has blessed my husband and I with good health and He has kept us together. In spite of odds, we have not really had any challenges, I mean any major challenge in our marriage. And we are blessed with children and grandchildren. My children have acquired good education and they are settling down. God has also blessed me in my career. I am an academic and like you noted before, I’m the first professor in Mass Communication in Nigeria who is a woman which is a major achievement. And that means the world is looking up to you.
Up till now, there hasn’t been a second person in Nigeria now, though others are coming on and I’m hoping there’ll soon be a second. Now, I’m in governance, working with a governor who is world class, performing well and encouraging us to give our best. And I’m working in a state that is up there and my job is to give my best in supporting my governor to ensure that our state goes on being the light of this nation.I think I’m a fulfilled woman. I’m just happy.
How do you react to the rising cases of divorce in … (cuts in)?
It is unbelievable. And that’s why you should appreciate more and more when your own marriage goes well or when the marriage of those close to you goes well. It is really unfortunate because marriage is a thing of joy – something that should bring together a man and a woman so they can live together and bring up their children.
You know, the horror of broken marriages is with the children. And that is why many children are going astray today because they haven’t had the joy of being brought up by people who are disciplined themselves. It takes a lot of courage and discipline to make marriage work. It seems that young people are not trying hard enough to sustain their marriages. So, if they put their minds to it, am sure they will make their marriages work better.
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